Oh co-sleeping

BoOoOmM!! My world imploded and exploded all at once. Let me set up the scene for you quickly:

I spent 9 months super single, had minimal contact with my "partner" and had completely written him of till he came back into the picture somewhat suddenly and at that point I had maybe weekly contact with him. I was ecstatic to have this baby. I had no reason to think of anyone else, she was a child of only a mother. Except now her father wanted in and I couldn't be the reason she had no father and he is a good man so in he came. I have the baby, shes perfect. She stays with me EVERY day for 4 weeks and all the sudden my walls are shattered and glass is flying everywhere for me when he tells me he wants alone time. So began my life change.

As many of you may know, being a mother is far different than being a nanny. It never occured to me that it would be this different. My child seems so much different. I know she doesn't need me every second of every day, but when she cries I don't see a point in letting her cry. I can help her so I do. Everything I have ever known, everything I have ever practiced, and even everything I have "preached" to other parents went right out the window! I am that mom who needs my own advice, but wont take it! I am not a super hero pro mommy that gets everything right!

I spent all of my time holding and cuddling that dear baby, and when he changed that my co sleeping went from exhausted mother just trying to get some sleep, to completely addicted to the habit. Ya its not such a bad habit and someone named it co sleeping and said its great for babies, but I know its not necessarily that good for us. She still wakes up in the middle of the night. I think she would sleep longer in her crib. I think I move or make a noise and she wakes up. When she wakes up and sees me she thinks oh time to play or time to wake mommy, up so she doesn't fall back to sleep like she should.

I am not discrediting co sleeping. I think co sleeping is an amazing bond between child and parent. I don't want to give it up, but I think it is hindering my poor little baby's sleep pattern. I am going to test some new sleep ideas tonight and I will update as to how things go for us, but as of tonight I don't think we can continue our amazing nightly ritual of co sleeping. I am going to go pout for a while then pick her up at her dads and attempt the new sleep rituals :-(