Sunday, April 28, 2013

Blogger Blog-ck

Gosh its been so long since I sat down and wrote anything. I have been trying to write about all sorts of things. yet nothing has come together. Today of all days is just a bad day to blog because my head is !aching. I don't know about you, but I just cannot look at a computer screen when I have a head ache.

I think this blog might soon become a fun DIY blog since this mommy has started doing all sorts of new things. I began sewing, painting furniture, and I have a few other new additions to my abilities that I haven't perfected yet! Life is good, though I need to buckle down and post more about it, I have been enjoying it all!

I swear Ill be back at this consistently soon... I just haven't found a good rhythm to my life yet.

Pictures to come soon!!

Sunday, April 14, 2013

Back to the bible

So I have been going through the beginning stages of a "transformation" in my life. I have been out of a real job since just before having my baby, this has brought me to start looking at not only what I want to do in life, but who I am.

This little start has made me realize something. I was raised a christian and have always known there is a God. I have been very blessed my entire life, I have watched my mother go from blessed to even more blessed through blessing others in her ministry for the local homeless. Its unquestionable, he is real, but that doesn't mean following him has always been easy for me.

I have dropped down my moral latter till I could reach no further. I have to say falling away was very easy. It didn't feel good and things never were quite right, but it was simple. Now that I am making strides back towards God I am seeing how easy it was to go the opposite way, but how hard it is to change my mind set back to following God. I know its whats right, and once I make better habits, it will be far easier. Currently, in these beginning stages, it is difficult and I feel like such a failure. I want to just break down and cry, but its showing me how far away I have gotten.

It makes it so much easier knowing God is there giving me strength and saying "Eva, this is good for you, it hurts now, but it will make you stronger adn life better. Keep going, you can do this through me!" I just need to press on through my frustration. Its hard, but through Christ I can.

WAAAHHHHHH!!! Thankfully he gave me a beautiful baby to enjoy on this horrendous path I made on the way down!

I have actually joined a church class/group called "cleansing streams" and the homework is ripping my mind apart so there may be a few downer posts before I am happily chipping away the old and building the happy new again.

Friday, April 12, 2013


My life is a pretty darn good and even easy life. The lessons I learn are always so gently taught and come just at the time I more ready for them than I think. Last night was a little rough, being the new schedule of two overnights for my baby with her dad, but I MADE IT, and in a couple hours she will be home.

Every day is different and I'm finding I keep getting busier and busier. I am running out of that free, easy blogging time... I know... rough right?!?1 ;-P Just kidding. Its great. I have dome "work" related projects started and a new group that comes with HOMEWORK... ew, I hate that word and the thought scares me... but I will do it!!

Last night I even got to enjoy hanging out with both my brothers and just be silly. I lost 3 hot glue sticks and there's dog hair in one of my painted projects, but it was worth it ;-D! Its been the 7 months of motherhood plus a few of the pregnant months since we have stayed up really late laughing and making a mess. We have always been a little ridiculous and last night we proved we haven't the glue and paint!

It feels so good to be busy for real again. I was beginning to think this mommy life I was on was full mommy all the time, though I didn't do anything crazy different or get out of the house for long, it feels good because a lot got accomplished off my to do list. I even have clean bedding ;-D!!

Well I will probably be busy more often now, which means I dont know how often or how well I will blog, but I will be reading all my new blogs, especially my favorite by +Erda M. Kamal!!!

**Watch me fiond more time now to blog after this :-/**

Tuesday, April 9, 2013

who taught you to hide?

As I listen to "No one ever taught us to hide" by Jason Reeves it makes me think about this in my life. There are so many different ways to think of this. I can think of it in the usual sense, like when I see someone I really don't want to talk to so I duck behind a large display at the store just to get caught later at the register, or in a little less obvious sense, like when I am mocking someone for doing something because deep down I am hiding how I feel about myself.

I dont know about you, but I have been finding mommyhood has held up a mirror for me, shined a light, bringing out some nasty little hidden areas that, if ignored, could potentially hurt my ability to raise my child. It wasn't easy to see the connections between how I felt about certain people and how it may affect my ability to be a mother, but once the light was turned on to the dark corners of my secret hiding place I realized I absolutely had to do something about it.

I had been allowing myself to put a lot of energy in negative feelings and thought for a certain person, that was spilling into negative feelings for several people. All the energy and anger building up was exhausting and frustrating. I would avoid seeing this person at all costs, I would spend a lot of time talking to the people who knew this person, not only hurting myself and the person I was talking about, but hurting the ears listening. Its not always easy to see but sharing negative stories with people who have a slight aversion towards someone begins to grow that aversion and drag those people down to that dark place where cob webs grow and people get lost.

If I continue to grow this negativity I will  be teaching my child not only to dislike the same person, but that my behavior to treat him the way I do is okay. I would show her running from her problems is okay. I would show her snappy, rude responses were okay. I had even let my negativity roll over to how I treated HER father. Before I became a mother I swore I would never utter a negative word about my child's parent ever, no matter the circumstance. With the mindset I have slipped into I have allowed negative words to flow from my mouth in front of her multiple times, and though she is young, I refuse to allow myself to be okay with it. She needs good role models, I have said this to her father may times, but have not thought of it in my own life, so I commit now to change my thoughts first so I can change my actions.

The thing about thoughts is they are so easy to let go wherever they want, but there are repercussions that are not always noticeable since they are not immediate, nor do they point towards those thoughts. They escape judgement and immediate disciplinary actions. Keeping my thoughts in check has proven to be a task, but one I am working hard at and has already shown it worth. As I work on controlling my thoughts I notice being around people I dislike gets easier and my whole day runs smoother. Its amazing what happens when we grow up!

Have an Oaty day

The other day I decided my little healthy baby should try some oatmeal, she loves trying new things. I pulled out the baby food processor thingy ground up the oats, boiled some water and whisked it all together. I threw in some tiny peeled bits of apple for flavor and TADAAAAH LivI style Oatmeal!

We had a little interruption right before sitting down to eat because Gitto (Lebanese for grandfather) needed a ride from where he had dropped off his vehicle at the shop. Olive didn't seem to mind... off went on a morning adventure to find Gitto.

When we returned home the oatmeal was perfectly cooled so we sat down to enjoy our oatmeal.

After only a few spoonfuls, I accidentally dropped the spoon off the edge of the table... okay Liv technically smacked it out of my hand and it flew across the room too far to reach sitting in my chair easily ;-D. I looked at little Liv and thought for a second... I had a wonderfully terrible idea... maybe she could handle the whole bowl herself. Her hands + a bowl of oatmeal? Great idea right? Well it was entertaining aannd made for some cute pictures, so I wouldn't say it was a BAD idea ;-D.

After only a few minutes everything in a close range was covered in oatmeal and Liv was looking at me like "whats next I'm finished redecorating the kitchen!" So I cleaned up and OATMEAL bath for the baby. I used the same ground oatmeal (uncooked) and gave her skin a much needed refreshing bath. She has had some dry patches on her legs so the oatmeal really helped! There was oatmeal in so many areas of the house after our fun Oaty day, but we enjoyed every little oat of it all!! ;-P

Sunday, April 7, 2013

Learning and doing

Today was a busy day already. I have been trying to start up my own business, but to do this I need to figure out what I like doing enough to sell.

I did however set up an office and today I painted a nice chalk board on the wall in front of my desk. Its cool! I like it, I will up date a picture of the whole office when its done, for now just a picture of the board.

Ya I should probably do something with the rest of teh cement wall I am realizing!

I did my mommy thing while my little Liv is at her dads, which includes food shopping, project narrowing, cleaning, laundry and finally making her baby food. I just made her sweet potato today, and Ill blend up some rice and oats for later to be made daily. Even with all that done, my home is still a mess and I feel so unaccomplished. It amazes me what I can do and still have a sea of things to do.

*Taking a breath*

I cant even imagine how anyone else even does it. I have three periods of time where Liv is with her father and I still feel like there isn't enough time in a day. I just want to lay with my baby and forget the rest.

Well lately I have been seeing my pastor as I have mentioned in an older post... you know things are so clumped together lately I cant even remember what I said about it ;-/!

Anyway I have just learned so much about myself and areas I need to change. I fear, so strongly, taking any leaps of faith in life, I fear making mistakes. Why though? I mean if I take a step forward and its wrong I will just end up back in the same old place. I need to relax and just
GO! I think this will be my new motto... till I forget, but for now I will use this!

I think motherhood is a giant mirror held up to show all sort of things we can and should change. As a mom I strive to be the best I can be, not for me, but for my child. I want her to emulate someone great, not the meek person I am. I can only pray for the best and know that with God I will be able to show her enough to enable her to be a good person! More on this later!!

Friday, April 5, 2013

bubble lovin toothy baby

7 months and four days or one more day until shes 31 weeks old and her first tooth is officially showing through! Its just barely breaking any surface gum, but I can see and feel it!

I'd say it's been 5 months of teething and four days of INTENSE teething to get here. I feel so bad that shes been in pain, but i am happy she finally has a tooth to show for it all. Now to get all the rest :-/

I must say I totally forgot about bubbles. My mother got us a big wand tube with a bottle of refill bubbles and I realized babies should all come with a bottle at birth. All week that has been the big moment saver. When she was upset I whipped out the bubbles and blew them in her room, in our sunroom, even in the kitchen.... I mean I used them outside too, but I didn't care where we were, if she was upset... Bubbles it was!!!! I have always loved bubbles, but now I have a whole new love for them. They are going on the grocery list to keep in stock at all times! Every time a group was blown my she baby was pushing me to chase after them or throwing her body towards them! I love it. My dog seems to have an aversion towards them, but thats okay, my baby likes them so they are a keeper.

Now that the suns been out and its getting warmer we will be outside enjoying the animals, the grass(which she was tearing out of the ground and throwing today ??) , andddd... BUBBLES!!!!

Thursday, April 4, 2013

muscle practice and life

Okay, remember how I said I was going to stop co sleeping? Ya... Im not.

I woke up this morning next to my sweet angel baby... Okay by sweet angel baby I mean her overall "ness" not last night. Last night she acted more like one of those babies they use in schools to teach high schoolers what being a mom is like, except this one was stuck on scream-every-hour just to test my patients!

So starting again woke up, head throbbing ;-),  best to my sweet angel baby, who is still asleep in her cute little baby sleeping position. As i lay here thinking about how truly blessed i am, i look at her face and notice the muscles in her face are practicing smiling as she sleeps. She is so cute smiling then letting to, smiling again then letting to, over and over again! As i watch my baby's face muscles practice smiling it reminds me of how we, in our every day, have to practice seeing the beauty and smiling. Happiness is something we have to accept and practice. Its so easy to get in a rut and see what's wrong with life(I've spent all too long there lately) I have to start looking for the beauty God has so wonderfully placed before me. Its everywhere and so obviously placed, but I so easily pass it by in my daily routine. I need to remember to enjoy the beauty and... Let my face muscles practice smiling more often !!

Monday, April 1, 2013

7 months

Today I woke up next to a 7 month old. I would like to know who came in and took my teenie tiny baby and gave me this huge, smart, beautiful, amazing, little sponge of a baby?!?!?!

Okay, in real life though, I am AMAZED at how much more I love this larger more active creature. Each and every day this amazing human being is learning new things, trying to communicate and walk. She is ever changing.

The first day of motherhood, the first moment of motherhood, I thought I had learned the most amazing love. I thought this love could never be surpassed by any other, but today as I look into my baby's eyes I know this love has grown, matured, into a love that will continue to grow bigger and better with each passing moment.

How is it that I deserve such an amazing love? How is it that this love could be bestowed upon those who have never given it before? It amazes me and shows me that Gods love is so great and unconditional, that even though I was living in sin, he gave me something I could never imagine and definitely never earn! I was given the gift of life within me.

God doesn't look at our deeds or what we have to offer, he looks straight into our hearts. He sees our intentions and our desires and on that he loves us. He loves me, he loves you! It just amazes me that I turned my back and walked so far away but he didn't say "eh you never did anything for me" he just said "I love you and I want what's best for you!" I am amazed and so humbled! Thank you God for loving me and blessing me with this gift of life.