Wednesday, February 20, 2013

Kids first

Single parenting and Co-parenting can be so difficult, especially when both parents obviously want whats best for the child(ren) but don't always agree on what that is. K and I don't always agree on timing and the way we communicate is a little messed up, so we both took a class called Kids first. Now that I have taken the class I think its a good idea for others to take it. Before I took the class I was thinking it probably would be a total waste of time, but after sitting through the four hours of class in hard uncomfortable seats, I think they had some really worth it points and I'm glad I went.

K went before I went so he could watch O and encouraged me to make sure I went. It took us both about an hour to get to the class so it ended up being about a 6 hour process. 6 hours missing my O but worth it.

Every parent no matter how good or how smart needs a little encouragement and a retraining at times. Its our human nature to parent our children, but that doesn't always mean we are right and its good to have another perspective.

In the kids first class we learned about what ages go through what when each child is put into this situation, the situation of learning to cope with moving back and forth and two single parents. I must say during this portion of the class I felt so badly for little O having to live her ENTIRE life in two homes. She has never known two loving parents under the same roof and it tears my heart open sometimes.

A lot of the things parents are to watch for are good changes because children try to put their parents back together by behaving well. I hope for Os sake that she never does this. I would hate for her to think it had anything to do with her that we are not together.

The main point of the class is to get over YOURSELF and MAKE things work with your parenting partner for the sake of the amazing child you made. Not to get back together or forever love each other, just get along and put on a good face for your child. K and I have been trying this but I think I lost track of what I was trying to do and this class sort of bumped me back on track. You need to keep an open mind to the other persons ideas and encourage them. If they fail or don't do whats right you have to keep on going and doing what is right, its not about your parenting partner or your feelings its about your child. I find this hard sometimes, why cant I lay down and have an all out tantrum? I mean i am only human, but what help is that to O? What does that teach her? Nothing good that's for sure! She needs her daddy and I need to show her how to treat others and how to act right in any situation. He deserves respect even when he is not respecting me and I do too! We all make mistakes, but we have to do our best to get up and keep moving, not stay angry over nothing.

Its extremely important to look at each situation through your child's eyes. If you fight what does your child see? If you are rude what does your child see? Your child learns from you in every situation even when they are young or out of the room so you have to practice being polite at all times to your partner  so you don't get caught being rude by your little but very important people.

They have to adapt to each situation and every move you make so remember that when make decisions for yourself. They always effect your child and your child should be given the time and tools to make it through each new thing you chose.

I am learning to not only think of O in the big decisions but in the every day little situations. In my everyday conversations. She is starting from scratch and even if K and I aren't on the same page, what I do and how I react makes a huge difference, so here goes nothing! ;-D

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