Monday, June 17, 2013


What really is failure? When I looked it up online I found it to mean unsuccessful, subnormal quantity or quality. Lately I feel like I am working at subnormal quality. I have a job that I can only do so much at, I have no car, bare minimum in basically everything, and I'm running around in a fantasy world thinking things will all work out but I won't have to lift a finger to make it. As the days wind on I have been finding myself breaking down more often. My flaws have been magnified by my family and my inability to be a better mom is growing harder to ignore.

I live a pretty easy happy life, but everyday, in every decision i make, there are at least 3 people mocking each of my decisions and making me feel less than the mom i want to be. I think in every mom story there are moments where she just doesn't feel good enough, or like she is doing the right thing, and as i write this I feel oddly encouraged to look my audience of hecklers in the face and tell them to squeeze out their own human being and make the choices for them but this is my child and I am doing a fine job!

I love being a mom. I love ge smiles and hugs I get from the child I care for, I love watching her grow and learn new things. It hurts sometimes, having to let her go, watching her walk away crying, but I know that with each tear there are millions more smiles and cute picture. I just have to keep looking onward at the baby I am making and stop watching the family around me who doesn't always know what's best.

Thursday, June 13, 2013

9 months

Oh my goodness. I cannot believe it has been over 9 months since Olive was born. She is 9 months old. Can i just say as much as this is by far my favorite stage of life it is also the most EXHAUSTING!!

She is into everything and wants to be everywhere. She loves to be held but has to be moving, i just want her to walk already.

Do not tell me "oh believe me you don't because...". I have already heard it and i do not care. She is already into everything and on top of that she has to always be walking which means i have to hold her hands all day helping her walk while I'm hunched over in pain or listen to her grunt and fuss... Ya I'd rather her walk.

She chatters up a storm, tries to sing, claps, kisses and has taken enough steps that she is so close to be ling a walker. 9 months certainly is a crazy age, but man i don't want her to grow... Well walk then freeze! 3 more months and my tiny baby is a year old. Eek!!!!

Monday, June 3, 2013

Finally a JOB!!

Tomorrow, Oli and I start our first real job since the month before I had her.

Before I became a mother I was a nanny. When I told them I was pregnant they had every intention of keeping me after I had my baby, but only a week later they found out they were also expecting a new arrival, so their other two children would have to adjust to a new baby without me, or two with me so I thought it best for me to not shock their home like that and they found a new nanny the month before I had my daughter.

I have always had the easiest time finding a job but as a mom planning to bring her young child to work it has been a really hard task. I have been searching now for 9 months(ya i started looking immediately after having my daughter) and just the other day(Saturday) finally got an official job!! I am beyond excited to be a working mom. I will be working in the nursery of a local gym with one of my good friends. Olive will be around other kids and her dad so.etimes works on the gardens outside. I just want everyone to know GOD IS SOOO GOOD.