Wednesday, March 27, 2013

oh beautiful spring time

I am so grateful spring is finally actually acting like I wanted it to. The sun was out today and we are working our way up to the 50 degree mark(F for those in the C areas ;-);-)). We totally took full advantage of the nice weather and walked about 3+ miles to and from a  friends house with Uncle Smokestack and our old dog.

Baby was totally thrilled to be out of the house. She was screeching happy loud noises(they were cute trust me!) and chatting as we walked the road. She heard and watched streams flowing, tried to spot the birds making noises all around us, got a little nerves of dogs barking at our dog, and just enjoyed all the new sights and sounds!

It is just amazing watching her learn new things and interact with people. She's constantly changing and doing new things. Im so in love wit this exciting journey called mommyhood.

When we got to my friends house the dogs didnt get along so we didn't stay long but while we were there baby interacted with a few different people. Baby has a few silly new tendancy with toddler/preschool age children. Last week at church a little girl tried to kiss her head and baby tried to grab the girls face, warding off any further attempts, then today she wanted to eat her friends hand and got told off in sign language. She really enjoys grabbing everything and putting it in her mouth. Even though baby has a lot more learning to do its highly entertaining seeing what each encounter with other children holds! I cant wait to see what happens when we are more mobile and hanging with more children more often!!

Life is springing up all around us and showing me it's time to live! No more winter hermit!!

Tuesday, March 26, 2013

A little Public Display of BABY LOVE

Ive seen these done by a few blogging mommies and loved it, but not sure who to give credit to...but my favorite bloggy friend does something similar to this in almost every one of her blogs at

 I wanted to keep track of my mommy hood so here is a little love letter for my love

Hey baby.

You are the most amazing human being I have ever had the pleasure of being around. I know for sure God created you specifically for me and my eyes. I look at you and I cant see anything that could ever or would ever be changed. I love everything about you.

Lately you have been giving me these little sassy eyes and I know out future holds some crazy moments, but as of right now they are so freaking cute. You shut your eyes and express some important stories with your most serious voice. I dont know what a single word is that you are saying, but I know its important. I love listening to your every sound. I could listen to your wordless stories for the rest of my life with no other noise... ever!

I am beginning to wonder if you are against crawling. You just seem so much more ready to get up and walk! I dont mind you going straight to walking, but i think mastering crawling might be easier right now... think about it!

 How about your eating habits? O started you on food between 4 and 5 months, but we took a break about a week ago because everyone was sick and you had no desire to eat regular food. You were still into nursing so I wasn't too worried, and you got right back on the food train. Lately we have been between puree and baby led feeding. You fed yourself a peeled apple, got mad when I tried to help, then proceeded to throw it onto the floor, so that was fun. I love watching you experiment with food and I must say I am excited to show you all kinds of wonderful food, like ice cream, cake and cookies... ya we are healthy over here ;-D!!

I am more in love with you today than the day you were born. I don't think I could possibly love you more, but I know tomorrow I will learn there is even more love for you somehow! I miss you tonight and I cannot wait for your daddy to bring you home. Know you are the love of my life and I would go to the ends of the earth for you or stand still forever if I had to.

My love grows for you even when you're not here
Forever in my heart and as long as possible in my arms,

its a happier life

Today is a gorgeous day. The sun is out and its warm enough for shoes with no socks ;-);-). We just took our lab/retriever mix to the beach and it was so relaxing. My mind feels so much lighter to not be inside hiding from the cold dreary weather.

Today is another overnight for my baby girls and I realize her father and I have become... Well... I think we are friends. How did this happen? I believe we both may be in on this, but I know for myself, I have been letting more and more go. I must say it is hard, but ultimately I know that letting as much go as I can is going to help us all in the long run! As hard as it is to let the things I feel are important go I have to or I wont be doing my part in helping Olive have to happy healthy parents.

I am a whole half of the parenting system and I can keep that whole half in whatever role I chose, I chose to be a happy, healthy adult parent. Every time I let something go or do my part to make things easy I am also keeping the other party from trouble. If I chose to pick at everything he did wrong he would have the option to fight as well, but by avoiding any and all fights on my part I am not even giving that him the option, though it seems we are both thinking a little more every time we see each other about how we can do that! If I let my end go, though, it either makes it harder for him to hold up his end, or it gives him a wide open door to the trouble we were in before.

In parenting of any kind you really have to think about how big of a deal is what you are about to try and fix? Is what you are about to say or do really going to affect what already happened? I always got into this mind set that if I didn't tell him right away, for some reason, something bad would happen, but in reality I was just go into things too soon leaving him confused and me still feeling like I didn't get anywhere with what I said. I need to give it some thought and think about how big of a deal was it really and whats the major point I really need to make. This not only saves me from feeling lost, frustrated and still needing to address the actual matter, but also gives me time to find the appropriate place to address it, like not with my baby in the middle of the situation where we both are upset!

Once I think it through, lately, I find a lot of it just isn't important enough to vocalize. The other night he called and said he had taken her to do some work stuff and I said nothing, planning on saying something when he arrived with her. When he arrived at my house not only had I kind of forgotten about it but he was dressed in clothes that proved to me whatever work he was doing, he doubtfully needed to be far from her and wasn't messing with anything that would prevent him from being a good parent. I have just realized that not only will God protect her, but she has a good father and though he is not a trained professional, he loves her and will do his best to give her what is best... plus I think he knows bad things will happen if he did anything beyond stupid!

I am so happy and thankful with ow things are going and I can only hope nothing messes this up, though there are always new hurdles to jump in any situation and this ones not set up for ease!

Saturday, March 23, 2013


I am a mom. It happened. Im not sure if you say it happened at conception or birthing, but I've been carrying around a live baby since September 1 2012. I am still in disbelief that the tiny human being giving me her sassy eye is the same one that spent 9 months squeezing my bladder and eating so much food she should have come out an obese man, not a 6 pound 15 ounce baby girl! Shes is here. I am a mommy.

I remember thinking "I have to keep my mind off the birthing process or I'll never make it through, oh man how am I going to make it through!?!?!?" and here I am 6, almost 7 months later with the baby I squeezed out. I didnt even break her... Shes perfect!

Is it not amazing that a human body can create another human body, maintain all of its needs for 9 months internally with no assistance but once that human body comes out you need way more assistance? Crazy!

Crazy how my body knew to start producing milk and the second little O goes to retrieve said milk my body instantly produces it and I dont even have to try! Its just amazing. My body is so smart and has skills ;-)! Im pretty impressed with me ;-);-)!

I am pretty impressed with you moms... No matter where your baby came from, im really impressed with you and the amazing job you did. Adoption, vaginal birth, c-section, whatever other ways a baby can come into your life.... Everyone of you loving beings I  am impressed with you and how you are here, a mom! Keep being a good one and know you are!

Thursday, March 21, 2013

blog lovin? or just blog likin ;-P

<a href="">Follow my blog with Bloglovin</a>
I was told to post this in my blog for blog lovin, so if you are lovin my blog or even if youre likin it follow me when I figure out how to get a bloglovin follow button ;-P!!

So I went and got a bloglovin whatever, but I'm a blogsnail and I am not sure if I am doing this right but Ill be following people on my new bloglovin reader and I think you can follow me too, but that part I'm still working on!! I dont know if I have ever done it right, I think I might have been just enjoying doing nothing too long. I tend to try and avoid blogging with my daughter because I just get so side tracked. I cant even do it when shes sleeping!

Today, while she was passed out, I started three different posts but finished ZERO because she just has the cutest little sleep face and I just want to cuddle up to her and never move! Now she is with her daddy and I can blog, but I have several mommy duties to tend to so thats not first priority so just go BLOGLOVE me!!!!! ha ha ha

Sunday, March 17, 2013

sick baby +sick momma = chicken noodle soup kind of weekend

This week the whole house got a yucky tummy bug. It was my very first time being sick as a mom... yes I did say that like it was a super cool thing, I mean hey, I made it through the night being super sick while having to be a full time mother!!

**co-sleeping and puking do not mix** ~you're welcome ;-P~

Okay so its not cool, but it was an experience! Any way after washing everything in my house that could have been touched by me or sick baby at 3 am I took out a whole chicken and prepared to make some full on homemade chicken soup. I waited till the next day of course!

The recipe I used~

1 whole chicken
4-5 carrots
a large stalk of celery(is that what you call it?)
2 onions peeled and cut into fourths
salt, pepper, and thyme to taste
chicken broth if you'd like

I boiled the whole chicken until it was easy to remove from the bone. I pulled the chicken out of the now homemade broth and skimmed the top of the broth to get rid of the chicken yuckies. 

Add the onions and, after removing all but about 4 branches of celery, add teh "heart" or still stuck together parts to the soup so the bottom is hung on the side and the top leafy part is in teh broth as I did here
Let that just stay over low heat for a while with some thyme, salt and pepper till the celery is limp and the onions are clear.

While waiting peel carrots and cut up carrots and celery. Cut the chicken off the bone. Boil pasta a majority of the way.

remove the celery and leaves , leave the onion. Add your carrots and celery(add extra veggies if you want I added spinach) and heat till the carrots are soft. Add pre-cooked pasta (cook almost all the way, I did it for 10 minutes for my elbow pasta).

Add chicken and EAT!!


Wednesday, March 13, 2013

Hold you

♫Music♫, what can change a mood or a day like ♪ music??

I am missing my baby girl today and as I showered with some pandora playing in the background a song came on called ♫ "Held"♪ by Natalie Grant. In this song the lyrics sing ♫"The promise was, when everything fell, We'd be held."♪ It just took my whole mood and changed it.

 **There is no more cancer or any big crazy moments happening as the song sings of, just the ordinary problems of a single parent figuring out parenting**

The song is stating that God is there to hold ME! The promise isn't I will be coddled and live in a bubble, no, we have to live our lives and when the moment comes that everything is stripped away he is there to hold us through it. THROUGH IT, meaning we have to go through it, no easy button! I am learning so much through this process of rejection and yet still love. I love my baby in a way I can never replace, understand or even explain, but I also, in a weird way, am developing a new kind of love, a love for the person I want to hate.

I had a strong desire to put this dysfunction, the dysfunction that is my now life, into a family. I wanted to take the man who fathered my baby and keep him. I know its crazy, but since we already had to be together so often I started to just see how it could work as a family. I put this desire into feelings and laid those feelings out for this man to put off making a decision on multiple times, till I could no longer take what it was doing to me and told him to tell me his feelings, and ultimately let me feel that rejection.

It hurt. It hurt to feel rejected in such a vulnerable place, but it also felt so good to be relieved of trying. I was trying so hard to not jump out of my skin waiting. I was always waiting for him to just give me something. He gave me my answer and as much as it hurt, I was held! I was held and I am making my way through it. I am even learning to love him in a platonic way. I love that he is good to my baby girl. I have  a lot of moments I want to freak out, I often blog those moments, but  I am learning to have this underlying love. I am learning to control that love and keep it platonic. All through all of this, all of this learning God is there telling me he loves me and holding me through it. I can always count on him to be there whether its hard or easy, whether I like my circumstances or not, I am held and taken care of. I can look up and keep moving.

God may not take away everything bad and make everything perfect for us to coast by, but if he did would we learn anything? Would we really be happy just living a blah life? I mean I could definitely use a smoother day here or there, but each moment, each day teaches me. I get to wake up every day, hard or not, and enjoy life as a mommy, eat, breath, smile! Life is good no matter what happens because its life still.

Tuesday, March 12, 2013

My self is my romantic enemy

Right now everything seems to be leading my mind right down the unhappily single road... my mind keeps wandering to what should come next, but I am not ready to date, or even meeting anyone. I like the idea of dating, I mean who doesn't, we were created to not be alone!

I have loved being single for most of my pre-mommy life. There's no need to make time for anyone else. I never have to make plans outside of Liv's little life now! A man right now would just be a hassle, he would need time, he would have other things he needed and wanted, I just don't have time for anyone else right now. I don't have time or energy for it, but I want it now more than I did before.

I have always done a great job being single. I was always busy telling people off, never thinking twice about wanting to be with someone that badly, alone felt so right. Right now alone feels okay, but my mind is constantly going back to the idea of love and being with someone. I feel like bringing a child into this world requires two people, not just two people to co parent separately, but two people to support each other, show love to each other in a way that teaches love to a child through action. Yes showing love can just be loving your child, but I also know there is something special about a man and a woman who chose each other and continue to chose to make life together no matter the difficulties.

 I know its not a bad thing to be a single parent, its the norm now. People everywhere do it successfully. I just want to do it with someone. I am not about to go out and find someone because I know it will be even harder adding someone else to our mix right now and I'm not looking for any of the right reasons, but man how nice it would be to have someone to do all of this with in love. I guess I am just growing up, I am just desiring to find someone and settle down.

Life is great where it is now. I love being a momma!! Its the best experience ever, I just wish life would stop pointing out the missing piece. I am constantly seeing my brain turn into this romantic monster. I dream of all the things I dont have. I have it all and somehow the romantic monster steals my mind and reminds me I could have even more. No more monster! I vented here, now I must concentrate on my happiness single, my happiness with the best child a me could ask for ;-D

Saturday, March 9, 2013

luckiest human alive

Today I feel it, I feel it every day. I know I am the luckiest human alive! I spend every day with my now 26.6 inch 16.6 lb baby girl. I have had 6 blessed months of just being a mommy, and though I get caught up in the tiny details of difficulty every once and a while, I have it so good!

Today consisted of play, play, eating a ton, play, enjoying the outdoors, a touch if napping(not a good amount), and insane amounts of squealing laughter. I cant imagine a better day! I cant imagine looking into more perfect human eyes. Im sure each mom feels this about their own set of baby eyes, but I just feel so special to have these eyes every single day.

Nothing could be better than this love. She is my everything and when she lays her head on me i feel the pure, unassuming love she has as my baby.

For my entire life I have never known a love like this, never been more sure of someone loving me. I know its odd but no matter how little we speak I know that not only do I love her with all my heart but she is learning love from me and loves me! she was born with love to share and I am the lucky person who gets to be the mother she loves.

I will be the person who watches her grow, who holds her when shes sad, who she misses when shes been gone, who teaches her how to react, the person who sits through each up, down, and all around anything. I know we will have hard times and share tears together and separately. I know one day I wont be her world, but thats not now, right now she is just my baby, my greatest accomplishment and my greatest joy. I could just stop life here and feel fulfilled. My life is so good and so amazing all because she is in it.

Wednesday, March 6, 2013

In the Plaintiff seat again: court date # 2

York County District court here we come yet again!!

So K and I have gone to the court house (peacefully) a few times now, mostly to fill out papers, but twice we have gone for actual court dates. This court date was our second, we went in for Mediation! Our court date this time was actually moved from February 13 to March 4 because we wanted to make sure both of us went to the kids first meeting and mine had been canceled because of the blizzard that recently passed through!

That Monday court date has come and gone now and I must say I am so pumped. I arrived early as usual and the mediator came out and got me to make sure I was comfortable speaking openly in a room with K, we both told her separately we were fine together and the meeting commenced.

I asked our mediator, Anne, her thoughts on over nights at Os age. She of course had no good straight answer. We went through all the important things like schedule, which we set a default and went with the "by agreement" option for everything including holidays. Holidays will be split and out default schedule is four days one overnight, and will change to two overnights by July 1st.

I cannot tell a lie, the only help the mediator had to offer was an outline of what we should kind of have organized. I felt every answer she gave to the questions asked was 90 times longer than needed and left me with no more knowledge of the answer to my question than when I asked it the first time. She did however make a wonderful effort to answer our questions, and later she found us a judge to get our THIRD court date out of the way inside of this second one!! I was so happy and relieved and so was K. She had us wait in the waiting room. K and I used this time to chat about O and basically act as though we were regular everyday friends.

Then they called us in and it was time for our last, in this series, court date.

"All Rise" and it began.

The judge this time was a man, but we had nothing to argue about. He went through everything we had just discussed to make sure we agreed on it, which we did. His voice was so... relaxing, I found it so hard to concentrate, which also made me want to laugh, court an be so difficult sometimes.

After he went through everything... that was it, he listed off all of our agreement, he finished and we got our custody agreement, it was far too easy. I am done... done with court for this far to easy, agreeable session. I am so relieved and excited to be done with the stress brought on by the decision I made to drag this into court.

Its over, no more COURT!!!


well unless we have a snag on something in the future... Pray that doesnt happen!!