So I have been going through the beginning stages of a "transformation" in my life. I have been out of a real job since just before having my baby, this has brought me to start looking at not only what I want to do in life, but who I am.
This little start has made me realize something. I was raised a christian and have always known there is a God. I have been very blessed my entire life, I have watched my mother go from blessed to even more blessed through blessing others in her ministry for the local homeless. Its unquestionable, he is real, but that doesn't mean following him has always been easy for me.
I have dropped down my moral latter till I could reach no further. I have to say falling away was very easy. It didn't feel good and things never were quite right, but it was simple. Now that I am making strides back towards God I am seeing how easy it was to go the opposite way, but how hard it is to change my mind set back to following God. I know its whats right, and once I make better habits, it will be far easier. Currently, in these beginning stages, it is difficult and I feel like such a failure. I want to just break down and cry, but its showing me how far away I have gotten.
It makes it so much easier knowing God is there giving me strength and saying "Eva, this is good for you, it hurts now, but it will make you stronger adn life better. Keep going, you can do this through me!" I just need to press on through my frustration. Its hard, but through Christ I can.
WAAAHHHHHH!!! Thankfully he gave me a beautiful baby to enjoy on this horrendous path I made on the way down!
I have actually joined a church class/group called "cleansing streams" and the homework is ripping my mind apart so there may be a few downer posts before I am happily chipping away the old and building the happy new again.