My self is my romantic enemy

Right now everything seems to be leading my mind right down the unhappily single road... my mind keeps wandering to what should come next, but I am not ready to date, or even meeting anyone. I like the idea of dating, I mean who doesn't, we were created to not be alone!

I have loved being single for most of my pre-mommy life. There's no need to make time for anyone else. I never have to make plans outside of Liv's little life now! A man right now would just be a hassle, he would need time, he would have other things he needed and wanted, I just don't have time for anyone else right now. I don't have time or energy for it, but I want it now more than I did before.

I have always done a great job being single. I was always busy telling people off, never thinking twice about wanting to be with someone that badly, alone felt so right. Right now alone feels okay, but my mind is constantly going back to the idea of love and being with someone. I feel like bringing a child into this world requires two people, not just two people to co parent separately, but two people to support each other, show love to each other in a way that teaches love to a child through action. Yes showing love can just be loving your child, but I also know there is something special about a man and a woman who chose each other and continue to chose to make life together no matter the difficulties.

 I know its not a bad thing to be a single parent, its the norm now. People everywhere do it successfully. I just want to do it with someone. I am not about to go out and find someone because I know it will be even harder adding someone else to our mix right now and I'm not looking for any of the right reasons, but man how nice it would be to have someone to do all of this with in love. I guess I am just growing up, I am just desiring to find someone and settle down.

Life is great where it is now. I love being a momma!! Its the best experience ever, I just wish life would stop pointing out the missing piece. I am constantly seeing my brain turn into this romantic monster. I dream of all the things I dont have. I have it all and somehow the romantic monster steals my mind and reminds me I could have even more. No more monster! I vented here, now I must concentrate on my happiness single, my happiness with the best child a me could ask for ;-D